Be Your Own Hype Man.

Have you ever heard of impostor syndrome? Me either, until a month ago! Which is why I am so excited to be writing about it today because I love learning about the mind and my nerdy side comes out BIG TIME.

One of my gullies from the Gullyworld out there actually requested impostor syndrome to be a blog topic specifically and I looked it up and was like, “Damn, I have this!” I am one of those people that if I have a weird bump on my elbow and look it up on WebMD, three seconds later I will have diagnosed myself with some skin disease I can’t pronounce.

Yes. I am that dramatic. But no, I am not trying to prove to anyone that they experience this. This isn’t me saying that you or anyone else you know has impostor syndrome. We all have experienced self-doubt and have experienced moments of not fully believing in our capabilities.

You can have moments of feeling like an impostor and not have an impostor life or impostor syndrome.

.

So in saying that, let me show you what definition I saw that made me freak out and believe I have this

The impostor syndrome is a psychological term referring to a pattern of behavior where people doubt their accomplishments and have a persistent, often internalized fear of being exposed as a fraud. They call their success luck or good timing, and dismiss it as others’ believing they were better, more intelligent, and more competent than they actually are. In individuals with impostor phenomenon, feelings of guilt often result in a fear of success.

NO…BUT SERIOUSLY…READ THAT AGAIN.

YOU DESERVE IT!

YOU DESERVE IT!

YOU DESERVE IT!

So why did I think I had impostor syndrome? Because I definitely question myself and ask myself do I deserve any of this a lot. On my down days where I feel the depression try to creep back in, I wonder if I am capable of maintaining this entrepreneur lifestyle. Questions pop in my head like,

“What if my depression gets so bad that I can’t create, work, or make money like I need to?”

“What if it gets so bad and I become homeless?”

“What if I took the wrong journey and should’ve stayed in Corporate America?”

“People tell me I am creative and capable of achieving anything, but am I really?”

“Do I deserve to be an author? Will it even help anyone?”

These are things that I used to be so afraid to admit. I would never share these thoughts with anyone.

But only transparency of our own struggles will release someone else from their chains right?

Belief in myself is the only thing that is helping me be released from these chains of what I like to call the self doubt formula, which is:

low self esteem + extreme self doubt + anxiety + perfectionism + a little dab of bullshit.

Self doubt is bullshit to me now because it is all lies coming from my inner enemy. I use to believe everything my little negative inner critic told me. I had to switch those beliefs to affirming beliefs and this chart kind of explains it perfectly.

INNATE WORTH = YOUR TRUE, NATURAL WORTH

It was really hard for me to be excited about anything I accomplished or put out creatively. I felt like a fake because I didn’t believe in my own talents so why would anybody else? I am still trying to stay emotionally and mentally healthy everyday and sometimes I feel like a fraud because I think I should be perfect to be a mental health activist. The impostor syndrome has me in this whirlwind of beliefs that says I can’t have down days or be sad or have depressing days.

LIES.

ALLL LIES.

It was like I was trying to carry this burden that weighed a ton but made the world seem like it was light as a feather.

I could never just be proud of myself. I criticized everything, made myself sick sometimes just overthinking what I could of done different on my book cover, what poem I should of added, what picture I should’ve taken out, and blah blah blah. So yes I really do think I struggled with becoming an author and not really believing that I deserved it because I didn’t know what the hell I was doing. So my advice to all my gullies out there is to not listen to that annoying voice that says you are not talented, not creative or not capable of whatever you want to accomplish. I still struggle with self doubt some days but I can replace those thoughts a lot quicker with TRUE affirmations than in the past when I would just cry in bed and say I suck.

We are not impostors pretending to be amazing.

We are all TRULY amazing.

Just because you feel inadequate, it does not mean you are. Just because you have not mastered something, does not mean you failed. Just because you think you do not deserve something, doesn’t mean you actually don’t. Our beliefs about our life and ourselves become our reality even if those beliefs and feelings aren’t necessarily true. Give yourself a high five damnit! You are doing great! This blog isn’t for the people actually faking it. This is for the people struggling with how they see themselves versus how the world sees them.

Instead of worrying about what other people think, or worrying about what your inner critic thinks, try to think of three statements you can tell yourself every morning and every night that can help you feel less like a fake and more like the true, real, authentic human being you are.

Here are my three:

I AM CAPABLE OF ALL THINGS.

DEPRESSION WILL NOT STOP ME FROM ACHIEVING MY DREAMS.

I LOVE MY CREATIVE MIND.

Listen my gullies…

BE YOUR OWN HYPE MAN.

BELIEF IN YOURSELF IS NOT ARROGANCE.

CELEBRATING YOURSELF IS NOT COCKINESS.

AFFIRMING YOURSELF IS NOT PRIDEFUL.

TALKING TO YOURSELF IN THE MIRROR WITH LOVE DOES NOT MEAN YOU ARE A PSYCHO.

IT JUST MEANS YOU LOVE YOURSELF.

PLEASE NEVER STOP.

THE WORLD NEEDS MORE SELF LOVE THAN SELFISHNESS.

PEACE & LOVE.