Heartbreak Hotel.
This quote from one of Londrelle's meditations has been hitting me really hard lately. So, I decided to post today about 5 ways you can start healing through a break-up. Some break-ups are petty, sticky, uncomfortable, depressing, and just a whole hell of a lot to try and get through. And others are just full of painful memories and great memories. Whatever journey you are going through, I think these 5 ways can help. Everyone has experienced heartbreak, and if you haven't, high five! Because it is a common thing for humans to just not know how to work things out. So a lot of times we talk about trying to heal the relationship and reconcile what has been broken. That is not the focus in these 5 steps. This is a 5 step plan to have reconciliation with your OWN heart.
1. TAKE TIME TO CRY AND SCREAM
I am extremely guilty for being one of those people in the past that have said, "just move on and get over them," well yea it is not that easy. It hurts. The pain and emotions are very real on an emotional and spiritual level. My sister described it perfectly she said a break-up is like superglueing yourself to that person and for yearssssss that glue has been sitting. Then you try to peel yourself away and your skin and their skin comes off too. That is painful imagery. But it is true! Our soul ties with people act the same way. Once you separate with someone you have shared yourself with on a very deep level, that pain is felt internally. Whether you suppress the pain or not, it will always be there until you work through those emotions. Just cry it out. They are gone, it sucks, but just throw a pillow a hundred times. Scream in your shower. Do anything that allows you to RELEASE the icky shit in your heart.
2. BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF, ALWAYS
It is easy to say something, but is it true? Have you really moved on? Have you truly let go? Are you really at peace with being done with someone you loved and cared for? I think it is valid to just keep it real with yourself. Understand that it is a long process to relearn how to live without their presence, the traditions, the routines, the memories, the laughs, the inside jokes, but it is possible. Thousands, maybe millions of people have done it. You can do it too. Your heart needs you to do it. Be fair to your heart. Do not force it for anyone else. Do not be on a fast track to healing. Be kind to yourself and just allow yourself to grieve. But don't stop there, still be real with yourself about getting back up and and living the life that is plotted out for you.
3. FOCUS ON THE GOOD MEMORIES
To me it is a myth that you can truly say you love someone and then never think about them once they have left your life. You will think about them, ALOT. That is okay. My take on it, do not focus on the things that just keep pissing you off. You will stay in the cycle of resentment, anger, and a cycle of not being so fun to be around. Whatever that person did in the relationship that hurt you is done. It happened. Cry about it, let it out, and then shift your mind on positive things. If you were in a relationship with them they had to have some benefit on your life at some point of time. Laser in on that. Why were they in your life? What lesson was the Universe trying to teach you with that person? The healing process becomes easier when you can view the pain as a growing tool instead of a hindrance. They are human just like you, trying to figure out this mysterious, interesting place, just like you. This healing is about you, not them. Love them where they are at, but love yourself enough to stay away from the dark side of replaying all the things that went down.
4. FIND A HEALTHY SUPPORT SYSTEM
I truly believe that togetherness can accelerate healing than having to go through something alone. Find a group of people that truly care about you. Friends, co workers, family or whoever you need to keep you afloat. You have had this person by your side for so long that it is okay to still crave that support and companionship. We are created to want that. Yes, being alone and crying it out with your ice cream in the dark is cool sometimes. But you have to keep living your life and others can help with that. It is all about putting your pride down and saying, "LOOK, I NEED YA'LL." They can get you out the house, they can laugh with you, cry with you, pray with you, party with you, whatever you need to heal. Find your break-up buddies and don't let go.
5. DATE YOURSELF
For the people that read this blog frequently, you already know this is my go to. LOVE YOURSELF. We want everyone to bow to us and love us perfectly and treat us perfectly, but how? How do we demand that if we cannot say we love ourselves perfectly all day, every day. This is the most important step. It is way easier to go find somebody else right away and run from the hurt and suppress your true feelings. But that will eventually pop back up in your life in another way. Just date you. Figure you out. Figure out the things that you like so you can pick the right partner next time. Or you can be a better partner than you were last time (it is not always the other person's fault.....ouch).
How can you attract your prince or princess charming if you have no kingdom within yourself? If I treat my temple like its the slums, I will attract people that like that type of environment, correct?
Dating yourself gives you the opportunity to really build enough love to even share with others. You start to become okay with being alone. You start to find who you were before you met that person. And who you are now and how that person helped you grow into that person. I believe showing love and respect during a break-up is rare, but so necessary. Maybe it is not even safe for you to even have contact with this person. If not, let there be love and respect in your thoughts. There are two sides of every story and their feelings are just as real as yours. Allow them to grow on their own time and allow them their own journey. It is time to focus on yours.