Fearing The Bag.

Do you fear money?

It’s a weird question to ask. But this morning I asked myself that. This past month has been an interesting month for me. I have been questioning life. A LOT. Questioning if I am on the right path and if I am doing the right things to set myself up for success. These posts are for the masses, hoping that my struggles and my triumphs can help someone feel the light. So hopefully my relationship of fear and money will resonate with one of you.

I am a full time entrepreneur...and boy this shit is a struggle. Last week I committed the ultimate sin. I applied for Corporate America positions.

Whatttt?

Say it ain’t so!

I know right.

I am so ashamed and appalled at this decision.

But then I was like hmmm..I can use this shame to help someone. Because I think all new business owners and entrepreneurs go through this phase of how do I support myself? How do I eat? How do I maintain an independent lifestyle?

I feel the need to run back to what I know is comfortable. Not just in a financial sense, but in life period. I start working out and then I’m like...nah I’m good off that, I love my body and the way it looks right now. Then I start grocery shopping and cooking, and then I’m like nah I’m tired I am just going to order something off Uber Eats. I go through this continuous cycle of wanting to push myself and then come to a complete halt. So the same applies with my career. I am finally living out my passion. I wrote a book. I am blogging. I am doing creative work that I have been craving for so long. So why the hell do I want to go back to a desk from 9-5 looking at excel sheets and analyzing bullshit that I could care less about? Sitting in meetings that I will fall asleep in. Opening emails that I just want to carry over to the trash bin before I read them.

Because of the fear of money.

And when I say fear of money I am speaking of fearing lack. I fear that this entrepreneur lifestyle won’t bring the lucrative checks that I was making. But that’s the problem. I am speaking lack into my life already by thinking that.

Instead I need to say, “this new lifestyle will bring MORE than what I was making!”

Then the fear starts to fade. The discomfort is there, but the faith still starts to build.

So now the faith outweighs the discomfort and keeps me going.

Sometimes I think I fear wealth as much as I fear lack. Why do people that win the lottery go bankrupt so fast? Because who the hell knows what to do with all that money if you were never taught? If you aren’t taught how to invest, how to save, how to budget, how to spend the little pennies you do have now, then that is frightening to have millions just sitting your bank account. The dollars are just looking at you, and you looking back like uhhh….don’t know what to do with you so let’s just wing it. I know the power I have in me, so I am afraid that if I do reach my highest potential, I will scare myself. But why does my inner greatness scare me? Why am I so afraid to be without and so afraid of abundance at the same time? The relationship with money all starts in the mind. Most of our beliefs are so contradictory to each other and that is why it is so hard to make decisions in life. Should I be a full time blogger/podcaster? Should I go back into Finance? Should I write another book? I will never be able to answer these questions if I feel deep, deep down that I do not deserve wealth and I do not deserve to live out my dream.

WE ALL DESERVE TO LIVE OUT OUR DREAM.

ALL OF US.

Society taught us a certain way to be successful. Being artistic wasn’t one of them. But if you look out in the world, there are so many people that are wealthy by just expressing themselves in a creative way. So I challenge the people that are afraid...including myself...to not give up. I’m not saying Corporate America is bad. You can use that to invest in your dream. But don’t use it as a crutch. Don’t use it as a comfort zone. Because with that mindset you’re going to go to work and then get off and be too tired to work on your business and you’re going to burn yourself out before you even start. Living a miserable life just has to stop. It’s not going to cut it anymore. So with everything you do, do it with the intention of building your dream.

I am officially dropping the shame and the guilt. I felt like a traitor when I was scrolling on Indeed and on these job sites. I felt this way because I was scrolling out of fear, not out of intention. Learn from me and believe in yourself more than you believe in those checks depositing in your account from a corporation that will replace you in less than a week. Never feel ashamed of the journey. Never feel guilty for not knowing how to navigate through something new. Right now it might be storming like hell. It even might be flooding and you have no idea how to swim. People are not supporting. People are doubting you. People are telling you that you can’t make money in that field. People are just projecting their own damn fears on you. Shut them up by having hope. Your rainbow is waiting for you. Surround yourself around people that believe in you and your dream. Surround yourself around people that will push you when you want to give up on that dream. But most of all just feel the process, enjoy the adventure and STAY TRUE TO YOURSELF no matter what anybody has to stay.

Trust in yourself.

Trust in your gift.

Trust in your creativity.

Trust in the things that you were created with.

They are there for a reason.

Not just for you.

But also to change the world.

The longer you wait.

The longer you suffer.

And the rest of the world too.

HAVE FAITH.

peace & love my gullies.