Tunnel Vision Type Boundaries.
Self love will sometimes disappoint and upset others, but the ones who love you the most will grow to respect you.
Know the difference.
As someone who is big-hearted to the point of spreading myself thin, I know all too well what it means to struggle with setting boundaries, and STICKING to them. The shit is hard. Super hard. But it is doable once you hit rock bottom and notice all the people you were there for aren’t really there for you in your darkest moments. That is what it took for me to finally grasp the importance of putting walls around my energy and guarding my sensitive soul. A lot of us do not like to admit we are sensitive. The world makes us feel weak and unstable if we are sensitive. Fuck that. I have been numb and have suppressed too long all for the sake of not feeling. I feel everything now. Sometimes too much. But now that I know that about myself I can really gauge how much I can take and how much is too much from people or situations. I am saying no a lot more than I use to. I am still a work in progress so I still struggle with wanting to do any and everything for the people I love. But baby steps of self love is the only way to learn to start running away from people’s selfish bullshit.
Just make sure you are giving YOURSELF unconditional love before you call someone else out for not.
IT IS OKAY TO NOT SAVE EVERYONE.
IT IS OKAY TO TAKE A DAY FOR YOURSELF AND NOT FEEL GUILTY.
IT IS OKAY TO CUT SOMEONE OFF THAT KEEPS HURTING YOU WITH THE SAME THINGS AFTER YOU HAVE COMMUNICATED FOR THEM TO STOP.
JUST BECAUSE THEY ARE BLOOD, YOUR SPOUSE, OR YOUR PARTNER THEY DO NOT HAVE THE RIGHT TO KEEP CAUSING YOU PAIN.
So what is the root issue of not being able to stick to the boundaries you set with people? Or even the boundaries you set with yourself? I can only speak from my perspective and my journey. My root issue was I HATED disappointing people. Me telling people no was never an option because I did not want them to see me in a bad light. Everybody else’s feelings were always more important than mine. Everybody else’s time just ranked higher in my priority list than my own. Even if I was exhausted, going through my depression spells, or just burnt out I would still go out of my way to make sure someone else was good. I was too afraid to say no, because that would make them mad at me. Like that is just the end of the world right?
I had so much fear of disappointment from others that I refused to set boundaries and I let whoever take advantage of me. How crazy does that sound? But I go back to my childhood and remember that I was taken advantage of. Many nights. Many years. A kid sexually abused. A kid mentally abused. A kid emotionally abused. Yea that will definitely leave you thinking that you have no control of how people treat you. So I lived thinking I had to put myself in a grave all to please the world. Yea no. That old self has died. No more of that toxic thinking.
