Uncommon Sense.
“Common sense is a flower that doesn’t grow in everyone’s garden.”
Why does the phrase "it's common sense" even exist? What is so common about it? Why do we assume common sense is universal? My common sense is not your common sense, so it is uncommon sense right?
Many frustrations and disappointments in life come from this stupid phrase. I say stupid because it just doesn't make sense to think that everybody's senses are the same. We come from different backgrounds, experience different childhoods and have different cultures. How in the world can I think like you? My heart did not go through what your heart went through. My mind does not process exactly how your mind processes. The way I respond to situations will never be exactly how you will respond. The day we can understand that as people, maybe that will be the day we can all get along.
It is easy to say it is common sense to not murder, but people do it. It is much easier to assume that you shouldn't hurt the people you love, but it happens everyday. Why is it that what I feel is normal, is not normal for others? Because normal DOES NOT exist. I will continue to get disappointed when I expect that others will respond how I desire them to. Expectations get you killed. I know such a harsh statement right? Well, you kill your peace every single time you assume. Relationships are the main thing people have the biggest expectations for. And a place where assumptions run rampid. Our partners, friends, and family members are suppose to think, behave and love like we do. Right? Well that would be boring and mundane as hell. How would we ever grow without differences?
I encourage everyone reading this blog to communicate to whomever you are close to and love, and let them in on a secret. Let them know what you want, what you need from them, what you desire most out of this relationship, and what you don't want. The biggest assumption is that others are mind readers. Uhhh...not sure why we think that. They will NEVER know how you feel unless you let them know. They might have a good idea, but it will be quite difficult for them to be spot on unless you disclose it.
Okay, so say you are sad around your friends or your partner and they never come up to you and ask you how you are doing, now you feel unloved. You start distancing yourself because you feel like they aren't a ride or die. They are fraud. They are fake because they can't tell when you are in a bad mood. Because it is common sense to notice when the person you love is down right? Nope, not buying it. Tell them yourself!
Tell people how you feel and tell people what you need from them.
Now if they could care less after that and make no effort to acknowledge what you just said, well yea, cut them off and keep it moving. Common sense is a cop out. It is a phrase to throw everybody in the jail cell and chain them to this ONE common belief. It is much easier to assume they already know, then to be vulnerable and stand on the plank of possible rejection. Nobody likes to walk that plank. Nobody likes rejection. Especially from the people they love most. I know I don't. But it is worth it. It is worth it because when you are vulnerable and you truly walk the path you are called to, it is easier to see who should be in your life and who shouldn't. When you voice your wants and needs, you start to see the people who actually care enough to cater to them and get to know you better. If you never voice them, how can you ever weed out the lazy lovers, friends and family members? That toxic energy will hover your life and you will always wonder why nobody can love you right, why nobody can ever treat you right? Um maybe you are just around the wrong people. Or it could be that you are the toxic energy because you are not releasing the pain caused from the other person's lack of "common sense". When you do not release, that is toxic. Repeating what the last blog said, detach from other's actions. Stop allowing other people's brain to cause you so much agony. That is their mind, not yours.
As children we believe that it is common sense for our parents to treat us nice, love us, give us what we need. Well unfortunately not all parents have the capacity to do that. We think since it is common sense, if they do not do it, they just don't love us. They could care less. But what if love was never taught to them? What if they tried their best because that is all they knew how to do? What if their common sense was just to keep you alive and make sure you made it through another day fed, clothed and bathed? Am I saying endure pain and abuse because everybody's common sense is different? Hell no. Always know your worth and never allow someone to manipulate you. I am saying be more understanding. Understand their background, understand their upbringing, understand the things that they have experienced during their existence here. It will make a lot more sense to see why they cannot see things like you can and then it is no longer a, "they don't love me" issue. Understanding them can mend so many broken bridges in relationships. It can heal so many broken situations. Your expectations of people cause more disappointment, when you understand them, you can produce growth in the both of you. Understanding takes patience and dropping of the ego. When we expect things we are entitled. We demand that this person gives me everything I want and if they don't they are less of a human than me. Too bad there is nobody on this planet that can give you everything you want.
Only you can fulfill yourself.
To assume that everybody has the same senses and the same thought processes is a way out to express ourselves. We rather just think they already should know. We rather assume that the healthy treatment of people is understood by all. We should all know that is not true. If it was, there would be no war, hunger, suffering or murder. We are selfish human beings and we want what we want. The missing link is that we sometimes do not like to communicate what we want. I am learning that the more I communicate, the more someone truly knows me. The more I assume they already know me, the less they truly know me. I am also learning, go figure, that nobody has the same common sense as me. Which is okay. I am finally at a point that I can express to people what I need and want from them. If they can agree to those terms, great, we can vibe. If not, the vibe is cut short. You create your own environment and your own circle. People will hurt you and disrespect you, let them know. Or they will continue to do so and you will continue have a barren garden wondering why you are not flourishing in life. Never think that they already know they hurt you because to you it's "common sense". Speak up. Have a voice. Announce to everyone how you TRULY feel. I can admit I was always afraid to talk about my feelings. I did not want to tell anyone what was going on in this rambunctious head of mine. But once I started, the people around me, the places I found my self in, the things I started to attract, started changing. DRAMATICALLY. Our words are powerful. We can not trap them in our bodies, we must release them. We must give the people we love a roadmap to our souls. Guide them to who you truly are. Give them the correct directions, not confusing ones that get them stuck at dead ends every other month. Nothing is common, because we are all unique individuals walking our own path. They do not think like you. So allow them in your thoughts so they can at least see your thinking patterns like you do. Stop assuming. Stop expecting. No more excuses.