Cradling Wounds.
So I watched a life changing series today called "Why People Don't Heal" by Caroline Myss. She really came gunning with some powerful truths. The first thing she said that just left my brains chilling by my feet was that we do not want to heal because wounds give us more power than healing does. When you first read that it does not make sense at all. We think we all want to be mentally sound, physically healthly, financially free, but nope. That truly is not the case. She gives some great examples:
1. A person has foot surgery and has a boot for months, for those few months they get things carried for them, helped around the house, cooked for, and so on and so on. Once that boot comes off and they heal, people no longer cater to them. Why? Because they can get up off their butt and do it themselves. So that person no longer has a story to tell on why they need to be helped. That wound gives them the power to get treated better per se.
2. Suffering gives us privileges that healing does not. So we hold onto suffering because naturally our ego LOVES to feel entitled. We need to feel like the Universe owes us something. We have the mindset that we deserve a fair, painless, just life, and if we do not receive that we want vengeance.
3. She described a situation where a woman admitted that she starved her 2 year old child for days, she would give her child spoiled food on PURPOSE. Wow. To even admit such a thing seems bizarre. But the reason she put her child through that suffering was that she said she needed her child to feel the pain that she felt in her childhood so she would understand her better. That is how the cycle of abuse continues generation after generation. We want to have the other person feel our pain, endure the negativity that we feel so we do not feel alone in our suffering. So others can "understand" what we go through. That is all we want, to be understood.
4. This point really hit me when she said there is no such thing as "I am not ready to forgive". There is either forgiveness or the crave of vengeance, there is no in between. If we do not let go of things and just forgive we are initially saying I want you to hurt until I am ready. We rather hold close those wounds instead of letting them go because we feel that releases our power if we forgive. But forgiveness is not forgetting, or accepting the injustice as right, or condoning the harmful act. Forgiving is letting go of the personal attachment we have towards somebody else's actions that have absolutely nothing to do with us. Their actions are from their conscious and we can't carry that all our lives and embed it in ours. Yes it might hurt, but why hold onto it longer so it will hurt longer? Let it go.
So why can't we just choose to heal? Why can't we just choose an alternative and go the other way so we don't hurt others and keep hurting ourselves. Why can't we stop cradling our wounds to make us feel like we are holding on to a "story" of our life. Our demons are just the trauma, the pain, the hurt, the agony that we rock back and forth like it is our own newborn child. The picture I drew seems demonic and scary. That is my intention. To make the viewer super uncomfortable to ask why the hell is that person holding that thing? Why are they holding it like they love it, like they need it, like it is something they bore in their womb? Wounds give us comfort. And humans, myself included LOVEEEEEEE comfort! Healing is extremely uncomfortable. Growth is extremely uncomfortable. Letting go and releasing and becoming a new person is one of the hardest things, well probably THE hardest thing in this life. That is why our country and our world is so wounded. No one wants to heal. It is too hard to forgive others, it is too hard to forgive ourselves. I laugh now because when I stayed with my nephews and niece for a while their favorite thing to say was "my tummy hurts" or "I am tired". But those statements only came up right before they had to clean, do something they didn't want to do or was about to get in trouble. Funny how children already grasp the idea that wounds bring power. It definitely seems like being taken care of is better than healing. But it is not. Healing takes sacrifice but it brings so much joy, peace, and stability. So as bad as it seems, drop the baby on its head and LET IT GO.