Just Say What's Wrong!
Today marks DAY 2 of the Vulnerability Series, and the topic today is RELATIONSHIPS! Ooooh fun, right?
As always, I pose questions just to make us think a little deeper today. Why do we not feel safe to be fully vulnerable with our family, our friends and our partners? Of course it is easy to answer that question in regards to strangers. But, we seem to have a hard time opening up to the people closest to us too. Why?
We do not feel safe.
VULNERABLE
adjective
susceptible to physical or emotional attack or ham
in need of special care, support, or protection because of age, disability, or risk of abuse or neglect
SOOO..obviously being in a vulnerable state requires protection, care and support so we will not feel harmed or attacked. Which leads to our answer again. For some reason, we do not feel protected or cared and supported by our loved ones. If we did, they would see our vulnerable sides a lot more often. What happens though, is that when something is wrong and someone asks what’s the matter…we say “nothing”, “I’m good”,”I don’t want to talk about it”. And so on and so on. We automatically think they do not care enough or will not give us the support once we really tell them that you hate life right now.
Why are there so many broken relationships? Why do some children feel they cannot talk to their parents about their deepest worries or their most passionate dreams? Why do spouses walk by each other like strangers as if they did not vow to be a team? Why do friends only shine light on the happy times and not on the dark days? If you have family, friends and a partner that support you and allow that vulnerability on a daily basis, UH-MAZING! That is a picture of a beautiful community. A true soul tribe.
Unfortunately, many people do not have that. Either they are surrounded by toxic people and there is no opening for transparency, or they do not feel comfortable enough to show the depths of themselves to the world yet.
Either or, we have responsibility for our vulnerability and our vulnerability only.
When someone asks you today how you are doing, do not brush it off with the usual, “I’m doing good”. If you are not okay. Tell someone. If someone hurt you, tell them. If someone pissed you off, tell them. If someone betrayed you, tell them. Now do not take this blog and blame me if you get fired or someone breaks up with you after you speak your truth. I am not trying to cause havoc in your relationships. I am only here to point to awareness. For myself as well.
There is a way to confront an issue, in a vulnerable and healthy way. You do not have to be a push over, a door mat, or a passive bystander. You also do not have to be an asshole, rude, aggressive or selfish either. You can speak up for yourself, your feelings, your perspective, or whatever you need to speak on with HONESTY and genuine LOVE.
But never keep quiet for no one.
I have had many uncomfortable conversations with the people I love. They usually ended in tears or in the silent treatment for weeks or months. But once we pushed through those tough moments, clarity started to come about. That is one of my favorite things, clarity. When a situation is no longer blurry, there is peace. Vulnerability, I think, is the biggest motivator for harmony.
Check this..
Someone does something to hurt your feelings. You hold that resentment for a very long time. That resentment turns into lowkey hatred or rage for that person. But you are still in contact with them. You snap at them randomly, you start to treat them how they treat you, and then there is negative energy on both ends. What if you just sat them down and told them how you felt? Not the surface emotion.
Not the, “I can’t believe you left your clothes on the floor again when the basket is right there! How many times have I told you that?”
But the, “It hurts my feelings when I truly tell you something bothers me, and you disregard that. That makes me feel like you are not listening, or you just do not care about what bothers me.”
If after you have been vulnerable MULTIPLE times, and they keep giving you the cold shoulder to your pure emotions, DROP EM! There is no need to keep trying to force someone to love you.
There are people that will listen to your heart and they will hear you. They will see you.
Because that is really what is wrong right?We feel like people don’t see you us or understand our vulnerable side. But who cares if they understand. Every time we do not say what is exactly wrong we plant a false seed. That false seed keeps growing and growing into all types of negative things within ourselves. Whether that is physical disease or spiritual disease. Every time we speak our true feelings, we plant the same thing, truthful seeds.
What life do you want?
I get it, not everybody responds to your TRUE feelings with love. That sucks, I know. But you love yourself enough to not care about their response. You speak your heart because it is your soul that will suffer if you do not. When people come at me with negativity, I do not respond to that at all. But when people come at me with vulnerability, it is so much easier to hear their side and understand that there were deeper roots to their hurt or actions.
Be honest today with your feelings.
Trust me, it is worth it.
Show the people you love another side of yourself today.